


Colin Morgan: Matchmaker

by giselleslash



Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-10
Updated: 2011-11-10
Packaged: 2017-10-25 22:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giselleslash/pseuds/giselleslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Colin is quite brilliant at matchmaking. Except when he isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Colin Morgan: Matchmaker

One of the things people didn't know about Colin was that he was a bit of a closet romantic, a matchmaker of sorts. It's nothing he'd announce or let on to anyone. He wasn't obvious about it. He never gloated when he'd given two people who so obviously were meant to be together a little bit of a push in the proper direction. He was quiet about it all. Subtle, really.

Or, if you let Bradley call it something, Colin was a bit of a ninja matchmaker.

No one ever quite realized they'd been ninja'ed by Colin but there was more than one wedding as a result of his sneak ninja matchmaking attacks.

Colin didn't know what it was, there was just something so gratifying, so _joyous_ , about making two people he loved so happy. He'd never let on as he shyly gave best man speeches or gave congratulatory hugs at an anniversary party but he hoped his own happiness was fairly obvious by the huge grin his face always held on such occasions.

It was no surprise to Colin (or his mother when he'd talked to her first thing upon deciding who his next matchmaking recipients were) that finding himself on the set of Merlin with so many wonderful people opened up a world of possibilities for him and his little closeted romantic heart.

There were people that were clearly meant to be; like the back up sound guy and Angel's make-up artist, or the lady that made him all his lovely veggie dishes in the catering bus and the security guard at Pierrefonds with a happy laugh and a love of good food (with a big, equally happy, belly to prove it). There was the maid and night desk clerk at the hotel and the waiters at the restaurant the cast frequented on their days off. There were people everywhere just waiting to fall in love and quite frankly Colin wasn't sure how the world of love at large had managed before he came along. People were so foolish, so clueless and Colin often found himself fondly and secretly amused by others' obliviousness in the face of love.

Colin would have been appalled to realize he was one of the oblivious hoards that had so adorably amused him.

But, as he was oblivious, he was spared being appalled and feeling foolish.

At least until the light bulb switched on, but by then he was in such a daze that it didn't really matter anyway.

 

~~*~~

 

Colin's first foray into Merlin matchmaking way back during filming for series one had been Angel and Bradley. They had got on straight off and were constantly pulling each other's pigtails, well, if Bradley had had any Angel certainly would have been pulling them and Bradley had most definitely pulled Angel's (Colin had actually seen him do it, it was more of a ponytail thingy, but it was close enough and he'd tugged on it, walking cliche that he was).

Colin had decided that their primary school antics were in fact their inept attempts at courting one another and he had made it his mission to help them along their way.

He dropped subtle hints to Bradley about how lovely Angel was and that they got along a treat, didn't they? He chose not to mention their frequent teasing and bickering, that was merely their attempt, albeit awful, at flirting. He also tended to drift away from conversations with Bradley whenever Angel would show up. He wanted to give them time alone even though Bradley, without fail, would go shout out to his retreating back, _'Where do you think you're going, Morgan? You're going to give Angel a complex, she'll think you don't like her.'_ Colin would just wave Bradley off and keep walking even as Angel joined in, _'Colin! Why do you hate me? Colin!'_ with Bradley's barking laughter following.

See. They amused each other, they got each other. Obvious compatibility; merely one more reason why Bradley and Angel were clearly meant to be together. (and not that Colin had a ticky list of things that proved his point. not at all. having a ticky list would be really anal, and really sort of creepy of him, so, no, he didn't have a ticky list entitled; _'Reasons Why Bradley and Angel Should Have a Spring Wedding'_.)

Colin would shift seats to make sure they had to sit next to one another, he'd make dinner plans with them and then bail on them last minute - he was always sure to book the most secluded, romantic table in the restaurant and if Angel and Bradley thought it weird they never said - and he also made sure to play along with Bradley whenever he decided Angel really, ' _really, Col, really_ ' needed to be pranked. Angel always pretended to be arsed at them but would end up laughing about it an hour later as Bradley reenacted the tale, complete with choreographed hand waving, to Katie who always found it amusing. Colin wasn't sure what she found more amusing though; the practical joke itself or the fact that they played it on Angel and not her.

He thought things were going well, smashingly in fact, Bradley and Angel spent all kinds of time together. They laughed at each and poked fun whenever they were anywhere near one another and Colin never heard a peep out of either one about the quiet, romantic dinners he'd left them to by abandoning them. He was getting ready to pat himself on the back when Katie, as they were sitting around waiting for lights to be changed and cameras to be moved about, started talking about what a lovely time she'd had with Angel and her boyfriend when the three of them went out to lunch together over the weekend.

"Angel's boyfriend?" Colin asked.

"Yeah, Marcus," Katie said as she adjusted the pile of knitting in her lap. It was supposedly a scarf for Colin but he wasn't altogether sure orange was his color. Or that it needed to, or what appeared to, be about three yards long. Hm. Maybe he'd heard wrong, perhaps it was a blanket.

"Since when has Angel had a boyfriend?"

"Hm. I dunno, little over a year I think she said."

"Well that can't be right."

"Maybe not, but it's been around a year. And why are you contradicting me in the first place, you didn't even know she had a boyfriend."

"You so often get things wrong that I just assumed this was another one of those times," Colin said with a look of wide-eyed innocence.

Katie looked over her glasses at him. "You need to stop hanging around with Bradley so much."

Colin laughed, but he didn't really think he ought. Clearly he needed to spend _more_ time with Bradley since he'd been so wrong about this whole sweeping romance he'd believed was going on between Bradley and Angel. Obviously he needed to observe Bradley much more closely. And if he was in the depths of despair over the loss of his true love Angel, or, knowing Bradley, he was more in the stroppy doldrums than the actual depths of despair, Colin needed to have lots and lots of zombie movies and porn (maybe even zombie porn, Colin wasn't saying he'd actually witnessed such a thing - he had, during an ill conceived night on the internet with his friend, Sean, after lots and lots of alcohol consumption - but he'd surely try to find some for Bradley. he was the instigator of Bradley's heartbreak in the first place.) on hand to ease Bradley through his, no doubt, considerable manpain.

This was patently clear when he later ran into Bradley and asked him as gently as he could if he'd known about Katie's lunch date with Angel and her boyfriend.

"Y'mean Marcus?" Bradley asked around a mouthful of crisps. Colin had just thrown up his hands - why had no one bothered to tell him anything - and walked away as Bradley followed him all the while and asked him if he felt alright and did he have a follow up question because, really, Col, people don't tend to ask gossipy questions without being willing to actually gossip thereafter. He'd been shoving crisps in his mouth the entire time he walked next to Colin asking him questions like a six year old until Colin finally told him to stop talking with his mouth full. Bradley had smiled and offered him the bag. "Crisps?"

Colin gave up. Clearly there was no need to go to Angel and make her feel poorly about breaking Bradley's heart. Bradley's heart was apparently in the bottom of a bag of crisps and was in no danger at all. He had, however, caught up to Angel later on that day and implied, very strenuously, that she really ought to have let Colin know her relationship status. She'd looked at him funny and promised she'd keep him informed from there on out, and did it need to be in written form and signed by a witness?

Colin hadn't really found that last bit funny.

He might also have let slip that he'd been harboring a secret idea that her and Bradley might look rather fetching together and that he'd been expecting another go at being best man.

"Bradley? And me?" she'd asked with a look of horror on her face. "Gross, Colin. I might as well date my brother."

Hm. Yes. Well, maybe the ponytail pulling was, in fact, actual ponytail pulling and neither one were as emotionally stunted at Colin had first thought. That was good news for the two of them, but it wreaked havoc with Colin's belief that he was a rather brilliant matchmaker.

Bollocks.

 

~~*~~

 

After the whole Bradley and Angel fiasco Colin took the rest of series one off - there was no way he was going to put so much effort into matchmaking when clearly his powers were on the fritz - and settled for simply hanging out with Bradley and Angel as friends. There was no point in trying to prove to Angel that she'd obviously made the wrong choice in Marcus and to prove to Bradley that he was simply an idiot, full stop.

He spent the time getting to know his fellow cast members and realized that it was possibly himself that had made the wrong choice and not Angel (Colin had met Marcus and he was perfect for her). As Colin got to know Bradley more Colin realized he needed to be with someone that could kick his arse about from time to time. Bradley was a bit like a puppy, not that Colin advocated kicking puppies, nothing of the sort, but Bradley's attention tended to wander quite freely and quite frequently. He needed someone who wouldn't be bothered so much by that and would kick him in the backside to straighten him up if need be. Angel was just too nice. Don't get Colin wrong though, Angel could dish it out with the best of them, but Bradley amused her more than anything and she let him get away with murder.

When Colin had told Angel and Katie his theory about Bradley and his required arse kickings Katie had agreed and said, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Bradley needs a bit of a _'Mistress, may I?'_ type to set him right." Well. Colin hadn't meant _that_ , and he didn't appreciate Katie laughing at him and his gaping mouth after she said it either. Jesus. Colin made a note to keep an eye on Katie, he shuddered to think what she thought of him. Of course it didn't help matters _at all_ when Bradley was told what she'd said. He'd looked thoughtful for a second or two then nodded and said, "I"m pretty sure Katie's pegged a guy or two in her time. She seems the sort." as if _that_ explained it. Good lord. Colin was pretty sure his mother would weep real, live tears if she was aware of the company he was keeping.

He was also pretty sure he should have gone to confession after that day's conversations. Evening mass at the very least.

But the more time he spent with Bradley Colin found that maybe Bradley wasn't really the sort to be ready for a relationship at all, _'Mistress, may I?'_ or otherwise. And though Colin would never admit it he enjoyed hanging out with Bradley eating pure, sweet junk food and watching really crap reality t.v. and a girlfriend would ruin that. Bradley might be a bit of a dope, but he was a sweet one; attentive and kind, and he would have made sure to spend all the time he had in the world with whoever he was with. It was Bradley's nature; if you were with him he absolutely showered you with attention and affection, there was nothing he wouldn't do for you in that moment in time. When you were with Bradley you were the center of his universe and Colin found that he liked being that center, it made him happy and warm and there was no need to disrupt that.

No need at all.

 

~~*~~

 

Much to Colin's relief he and Bradley kept in touch during the hiatus between series one and two. Bradley was one for late night phone calls that inevitably came around to them talking absolute nonsense. They always started out with good intentions but the, _'how are you?'_ s and _'what are you up to?'_ s devolved into Bradley pestering Colin for information about his dirtiest thoughts and deeds.

(Bradley was somehow operating under the assumption that telling Colin to pretend he was a priest and to confess all to him wasn't really going to get him very far. Colin's confessions tended to fall into the, _'I disobeyed my mam, cursed seven times, and tried to beat my brother bloody'_ variety, not the, _'I've had impure thoughts about bending Jimmy O'Flannery over the pew during morning mass'_ variety. Colin wasn't about to get deported out of Armagh and sent to a home for wayward, sexually deviant boys, thank you very much. He wasn't so much concerned about the bit where it was a bloke he was bending over but more about the fact that he was having impure thoughts _while in church_ that put the fear of holy God into him. Colin was pretty certain the eyes of the Blessed Virgin statue followed you wherever you went and silently judged you as only a mother could. Naturally Colin told him to sod off with the priest nonsense but that didn't deter Bradley in the least. He simply moved onto a different tactic.)

Truth or Dare.

Over the phone.

Colin told Bradley he was a stupid bastard if he thought he could get Colin to play that over the phone, what were they, twelve year old girls at an overnight party? Bradley said, of course, and proceeded to tell Colin about the pink pyjamas he was wearing and that he was varnishing his nails as they spoke. Bradley was an absolute nutter but he made Colin laugh and before he knew it he was shouting, _'I am the fairy princess of Ireland!'_ out his bedroom window at two in the morning under penalty of death and a triple dog dare on Bradley's part. Colin always hated when Bradley chose dare over truth because he seemed to be much too excited to be doing the asinine things Colin ordered him to do. And Colin didn't once doubt that he had worn Katie's pink scarf that she'd left at his flat after a visit tied around his head to the shop down on the corner where he bought a box of tampons under Colin's double dare orders. The silly twat had taken his mobile with him and talked to Colin the entire time. He made sure to consult with him whether or not he should purchase a box for light or heavy flow. Colin blushed and Bradley had laughed at him (how he could tell Colin was blushing was beyond him). He finally decided on heavy flow because he said he'd probably end up giving them to Katie anyway and she was a bit of a winged demon from hell that probably bled like the curse of Satan that she was. Colin blushed again and said Katie was lovely, Bradley snorted and said, _'yeah, you've never had to share a bed with her and her tendency to punch in her sleep.'_

Colin wasn't altogether sure what to take from that statement. Or if he wanted to think about it at all.

When had Bradley and Katie slept together? Bradley had a guest bed so surely it wasn't when she'd visit him from time to time. So when was it? Logically Colin knew all they'd done was sleep together, if they hadn't Bradley would have announced it in a full page ad in The Sun, but it still preyed on Colin's thoughts for some reason. He'd never before considered the possibility of Katie and Bradley. They were even more of stretch than Angel and Bradley. In some strange _Through the Looking Glass_ sort of way they might possibly make sense, but on the whole Colin was more certain that were they actually together one, or both, wouldn't get out alive. He had a picture of Katie devouring Bradley's head after mating like a praying mantis, so no, Katie and Bradley together wasn't exactly Colin's first choice.

But then again, stranger things had happened.

 

~~*~~

 

Series two filming went very much like series one except Bradley took it upon himself to transfer all of their very well thought out (and very witty) pranks to Katie instead of Angel. Bradley said Angel was too easy a target and didn't get nearly as fucked off as Katie would. Colin agreed that Katie would most definitely get more fucked off than Angel (of course getting more fucked off than Angel wasn't really a problem for anyone, Colin imagined his mam could probably get more fucked off than Angel) but did that make it a wise decision?

"Why not?" Bradley asked.

"Because it's _Katie_."

"Yeah. I know. It'll be brilliant."

"She'll murder us in our sleep. I don't want to die young."

"You won't die young, Cols."

"But there'll be vengeance raining down upon our heads."

"More like my head. She thinks you're a kitten and despite being the bride of Satan I'm fairly certain she draws the line at harming kittens. I'll most likely bear the brunt of her evil ways."

"I'm not a kitten."

"You are. A little fuzzy kitten that gambols after string and licks its tiny little kitten paws in an adorable fashion."

"You're an ass."

Bradley just laughed and went on to tell Colin about Katie's penchant for looking at the animals in pet shops and naming all the fuzzy little black kittens Colin. Colin was rather affronted by the knowledge but Bradley assured him that he'd renamed the kittens things like Mr. Fluffyknickers and Sir Fuzzalot as was proper for kittens to be called after Katie had wander off toward the fish. That appeased Colin somewhat but he was left wondering what on earth Katie and Bradley were doing wandering around pet shops together. It was a very couple-y thing for them to do and Colin started getting ideas after that.

Bradley and Katie would be gorgeous together and would surely populate the world with extremely genetically gifted offspring, although Colin was still pretty certain that there'd only be one offspring, singular, because he couldn't knock the thought that Katie would devour Bradley after sex praying mantis-style. Or worse, he thought about Bradley's long ago off-hand comment about Katie and pegging and then things went rather pear-shaped in Colin's brain because all of his blood took a running leap toward his dick.

Colin decided pretty much immediately after that it'd be best if he took a break from matchmaking.

At least during series two.

 

~~*~~

 

The hiatus between series two and three was spent playing more phone-based truth or dare with Bradley, late night confessionals, and making movies that would, theoretically, take his mind off of Bradley and Katie and strap-ons.

It worked. Somewhat.

Colin hadn't been so intimately acquainted with his right hand since he was fourteen.

It was a rather mortifying hiatus.

 

~~*~~

 

Series three went swimmingly. For the first three weeks. Things started to get rather dubious after that.

It started with two rather unrelated things that became related in Colin's mind and fucked with all of his plans.

The first thing being an encounter between Bradley and Katie which resulted in Katie sitting on Bradley's lap for some strangely odd reason that made sense at the time. Bradley complained about his bollocks being smashed and Katie claimed Bradley's boner could most likely be seen from space and they all had a good laugh and Colin decided then and there that his matchmaking should be back on again for series three.

But oddly enough the decision didn't give him the same thrill it had in the past. He found he had to keep telling himself to be happy about it and that his brain should start focusing on his best man speech and what S&M gear he should purchase for their wedding gift but his gut just didn't have that Christmas morning feeling that it usually did at the prospect of matchmaking.

It was a bit of a let-down, actually.

Then the second thing happened.

One night Bradley decided that it was absurd they were playing phone truth or dare when they could be playing face-to-face truth or dare. They were right next door to one another for fuck sake. It took about 2.3 seconds before Bradley's obnoxious pounding (and yes, Bradley was an obnoxious door-knocker) was heard at Colin's door. Colin let him in and they got about one truth and a half a dare into their game (Colin flat out refused to go ask Katie for a bra and knickers to wear so he could feel like a, _'fancy lady'_ , and ended up telling Katie she had fancy lady knickers instead. Bradley laughed. Katie rolled her eyes and said she wasn't wearing any knickers. Bradley's laughter snorted to a stop and transformed itself into a rather dreamy expression on his face. Colin thought he looked like he was touched, Katie told them both to fuck off and wear each other's knickers. It was a full on disaster of a dare but Bradley said he felt sorry for Colin and his inability to get in touch with his feminine side so he awarded him a half dare. Colin suspected he was still slightly barmy from thinking about Katie without knickers.) when Bradley got sidetracked and they ended up watching a marathon of some French cooking show that involved a lot of shouting and troubling amounts of cheese and cow innards. Colin made gagging noises and Bradley ate every piece of candy Colin had in his room while declaring each dish quite tasty looking.

Bradley had the discerning taste buds of a Saint Bernard.

He also used Colin's lap as a foot rest and before Colin knew it he had his hands up Bradley's pyjama legs because they were basically blocks of ice and Bradley was a furnace in human form. He wrapped his fingers around Bradley's ankles and watched the next cooking segment without either one of them making a comment about it perhaps being a rather _odd_ thing to do, sticking your hands up your mate's trouser legs.

At the end of the night Colin fully expected Bradley to stumble back to his room, they were right next door to one another for fuck sake, but he did nothing of the sort. He just rolled himself off the couch and onto the right side of Colin's bed. Colin watched him steal two of the three pillows and snuffle and flop around until he was comfortable and never once thought to tell him to piss off to his own bed. He didn't even have to tell him to shove over since Colin always slept on the left anyway. Colin shrugged and crawled into bed.

"Hands still cold?" Bradley's voice was a bit muffled under all of his stolen pillows.

"No, but my bloody feet are freezing now."

Bradley huffed as he kicked his foot back to hook it around Colin's feet and drag them between his own. It was a flaily affair overall, and Bradley kicked Colin in the shin none too gently, but his feet were blessedly warm and Colin would take a bruised shin for the warmth.

"Jesus, Cols. See a doctor. Do you have any sort of circulation at all?"

"I don't think excessively sweaty feet are a good sign either."

"Whatever. Go to sleep."

Colin woke up the next morning spooning a snoring Bradley, his knee shoved between Bradley's thighs and a hard-on that he could have entered in a contest if there were such a thing. Which would be embarrassing.

Absolutely mortified he had tried to roll away from Bradley as quickly and quietly as he could, not that it was likely Bradley would hear him or sense his movements judging by the volume of the noises coming out of his nose. He'd always thought Bradley had a rather lovely nose, very regal, aquiline, but now Colin thought he might think twice about declaring it lovely.

He had shuffled to the bathroom, half bent over and feeling like an idiot, to pull one off. Unfortunately that led to thinking about Bradley, and his balls, and somehow Katie smashing them got in there as well, and it was all very confusing but somehow extremely successful as well. Colin cleaned himself up and sat down on the edge of the bath to morn the loss of his masturbating innocence and the fact that he'd probably never be able to look either Bradley or Katie in the eyes again.

It all wreaked bloody havoc with his matchmaking plans.

 

~~*~~

 

It didn't help matters that Katie seemed to think it entirely appropriate to bring up Bradley's dick at all possible opportunities, and some not so possible. It suddenly became perfectly okay to threaten Bradley with a ball-smashing whenever he displeased her, which was a lot of the time, or really, just because, which was the rest of the time. Bradley would just tell her that he was sure his balls would appreciate her attention.

Colin wasn't quite sure if he should continue with his matchmaking or bundle the two of them up and send them off to couple's therapy, though Colin wasn't really clear on whether or not they could go to couple's therapy since they weren't, technically speaking, an actual couple.

But the weird thing with Bradley and Katie was that they really did get on, despite the threats of ball-smashing and Bradley telling Katie she really ought to make more of an effort because she looked rather dodgy and a bit slaggy. That was simply Bradley's idea of a compliment though. Which Katie knew (Bradley was also likely to tell her that her smile was glorious or that she lit up the room like a big ball of sunshine, which he had, and totally non-ironically) and it only went toward proving the fact that the two of them made a good match.

That had to prove something, right? That Katie would smile at Bradley's stupid words and stupid mouth and just be so terribly, horribly _fond_ of him that it made her rather sick? Not that Colin knew anything about that feeling, he still thought Bradley was utterly stupid in a non-fond, the puppy was still cute even though he piddled on your hardwood floor, kind of way.

Colin sent them out on accidental dates just like he had with Angel and Bradley (and even though that had obviously backfired it was a tried and true method of his otherwise so he figured he'd stick with what worked). He also made sure he had all kinds of stupid action movies on hand, the kinds with lots of guns, explosions, and gratuitous tits, because both Bradley and Katie had an unhealthy obsession with them. He made sure to talk them up to each other, although why he thought telling Katie that Bradley was afraid of carrots and liked to put his underpants in the microwave to heat them up before wearing them would impress her, but he did it anyway. They were both a bit touched, it seemed like something Katie might enjoy knowing.

But everything sort of backfired all at once and it just happened to coincide with Eoin's appearance on set so Colin figured it best to blame him for it.

The thing was, Eoin showed up and both Katie and Bradley became totally enamored with him and Colin didn't know what to think. It also happened to be around that time that Katie had told him he should ask Bradley out already and after spluttering and stammering Colin finally was able to spit out a, _'Why on earth..?'_ to which Katie replied, _'Oh, Colin.'_ and patted him on the head. It wasn't much later that Bradley told him, well, more like pouted to him, that if he was so hot for Katie McGrath and her stupid Irish face then Colin's stupid Irish face should ask her out so he could finally shut the fuck up about her and start making stupid Irish babies together.

Colin wasn't sure what being Irish had to do with anything but he was already confused enough, one more thing wasn't going to make him any less so.

And then there was Eoin. With his hair. And his chest. And his telling Colin that he thought Colin and Bradley were really good together and Colin was finally at his wit's end.

"What is _wrong_ with you people? I'm trying to get Katie and Bradley together so they'll get married and I can make a best man speech and finally stop thinking about Bradley and his balls and strap-ons."

Colin might have shouted that a bit loudly.

It didn't seem to faze Eoin though.

"Really? Well this is all sort of awkward then."

Colin slumped down into the nearest chair and asked, miserably, "Oh god, why?"

"Well it seems I might have mucked up your plans a bit. The matchmaking ones."

Colin looked up at Eoin expectantly.

"I'm fairly certain I hooked up with Katie the other night."

"You're _fairly_ certain?" Colin asked in horror. What was wrong with everyone?

"Okay, so not fairly certain, but certain certain."

"Of course you did." Colin sighed and slumped down in his chair even further as he watched all his wedding dreams and Bradley-free wanking sessions float away.

"Sorry, mate." Eoin slapped Colin on the shoulder. "I just assumed you and Bradley were a thing and Katie's got those boobs and face and all..."

Eoin's voice trailed off and Colin nodded.

"Yeah, I get it. When they've got faces and noses and all." Colin waved his finger in front of his own nose for emphasis. "It sort of makes you go a tad barmy. Even if the noses do snore."

Eoin nodded like what Colin said made sense and Colin thought it was awfully nice of him. He could see why Katie and her boobs and her face would have a go at him. But Colin's mind reeled back to something else Eoin had said and he sat up straight and pointed an accusatory finger in Eoin's direction.

"Hey. Why did you just assume Bradley and I were a thing? Why was that assumption made?"

Eoin looked at him like he was a bit simple and Colin mentally took back the 'awfully nice' thought.

"It's sort of obvious that you're arse over tit for one another."

"We're no such thing."

"Hm. So obviously you're not aware of it but you gaze at Bradley like he's the best thing in the world even if he's in the process of trying to out-burp that bloke from lighting and basically every third word out of Bradley's mouth is 'Colin' so, yeah, the assumption was made."

Colin opened his mouth to say something but snapped it shut and frowned. He ended up saying, "Well, it couldn't possibly be every _third_ word because nothing he'd say would ever make a bit of sense if that were the case."

Eoin laughed and slapped Colin on the shoulder again before wandering off in Katie's direction. Colin thought he should probably be mad at Eoin but when Katie saw him she smiled and jumped up to give him a kiss on the cheek which made him look ridiculously smitten and Colin didn't have it in him to be arsed off. He shrugged. So he'd have to settle for making a general, old, anybody speech at their wedding instead of a far superior best man one, but he could live with that.

"God. That's a lot of Irish hair flopping about over there," Bradley said as he dropped down into the chair next to Colin's and started fiddling with his iPod.

Colin gave him a glace out of the corner of his eye. "You really have an aversion to all things Irish, don't you?"

Bradley shrugged. "It's like you and gingers."

"Ah, yes. Of course." Colin nodded.

Bradley kept playing with his iPod and Colin put his chin in his hand and watched Katie and Eoin make cow eyes at one another. They were quiet for a really long time before Bradley broke the silence.

"You're alright for an Irish bloke though."

Colin grinned into his hand. "Thanks. I feel very special right now, Bradley."

"Feeling all warm and gooey on the inside, are we?"

"Very nougat-y, yes."

Colin smiled again when Bradley laughed, sudden and loud and abrupt, and they lapsed into silence again for a few moments afterward.

"Hands cold?" Bradley asked.

"A bit. Yeah."

Bradley reached over and took Colin's hand in his. "Mittens, Cols. They're quite useful."

"So I've heard," Colin said as he laced his fingers through Bradley's.

Bradley leaned over and showed Colin his iPod. He was listening to Queen and he raised his eyebrow and gave Colin a bit of nod.

Colin rolled his eyes. "Okay. Fine. Not all of your music is dreadful."

"I win."

"It wasn't a contest."

"If you say so."

"I do."

Colin snatched Bradley's iPod out of his hand and skipped to the next song on his playlist.

"Kylie Minogue, Bradley? Really?"

"What? I can't help it."

Colin just shook his head and continued to scroll through Bradley's awful, terrible music.

"So," Bradley said. "Me and Katie, huh?"

Colin could feel his face heating up and he sighed. "Yeah. Was a bit daft with that one."

"One would think you'd have learned your lesson with Angel and me."

"One would think." Colin agreed.

"You're a horrid matchmaker, Cols, I hate to tell you."

"I am not!"

"Oh yeah, really? Then why have I had to do all the work here?"

"What are you talking about? You haven't done any work at all," Colin said. "Unless being a complete and utter tit counts as work."

Bradley shrugged. "It's not my fault you're balls at matchmaking."

"And it's not my fault that you're balls at making anything obvious at all. Ever."

Bradley grinned at him.

"I'll sky write it next time. Take out an advertisement. Call you my beloved turtledove."

Colin leaned in and kissed him and it was ninety-nine percent because he'd desperately wanted to for a really, really long time even though he'd never admitted it to himself, and only one percent because he wanted Bradley to shut up.

"You're an idiot," he said against Bradley's smiling lips.

"Yes. Well. It seems to get the job done."

 

~End

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Knit Two Together](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1437253) by [thalialunacy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thalialunacy/pseuds/thalialunacy)




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